Overcoming Fear in Marriage – Song of Songs 3

Overcoming Fear in Marriage


“3 All night long on my bed
    I looked for the one my heart loves;
    I looked for him but did not find him.
I will get up now and go about the city,
    through its streets and squares;
I will search for the one my heart loves.
    So I looked for him but did not find him.
The watchmen found me
    as they made their rounds in the city.
    “Have you seen the one my heart loves?”
Scarcely had I passed them
    when I found the one my heart loves.
I held him and would not let him go

    till I had brought him to my mother’s house,
    to the room of the one who conceived me.
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
    by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
    until it so desires.”
  Song of Songs 3:1-5 NIV (emphasis mine)

As Song of Songs 3 begins, we find Abishag wrestling with her fears.  She has a dream that causes her great fear and distress.  In her dream, there is a longing on her part to be with her husband, but when she wakes up, she cannot find him. 

The dream of Abishag reveals that she has an uncertainty that is nagging within her.  She wonders if she would be happy with a King who would need to spend great amounts of time occupied with his work.  Obviously as the King, Solomon would have to be away frequently for business.

Abishag wrestles with the idea of being married to King Solomon and living in Jerusalem, but she is not sure that she would be happy away from her mother’s home in the country.  She wants the King and the best of the Kingdom, but she is worried about leaving her past behind.  She wanted the best of both worlds.  Abishag is wrestling with the concept that she needs to “count the cost” of being with the King.  Will she give him her heart and herself over fully to the relationship?  Is she willing to leave her past life to be with him?        

By the way, isn’t this the struggle of Christians too?  We want the best of both worlds.  We want to be in a vibrant, living, passionate relationship with the King of Kings and we want the blessings of the Kingdom of God to invade our lives, but like Abishag, we struggle because there are parts of our past that we don’t want to let go of.  There are comforts that we would rather hold onto.    

Let’s return to the Scripture and see what Abishag does. 


I looked for the one my heart loves;
    I looked for him but did not find him.
I will get up now and go about the city,
    through its streets and squares;
I will search for the one my heart loves.”
Song of Songs 3:1-2 NIV (emphasis mine)

Abishag is not passive and just waiting for him to come back.  She gets up and goes to search for her love.  Husbands and wives, do you get up and actively search for each other, or do you just take it for granted that he or she will just be there?  Do you pursue each other, or assume that the other will just be there? 

Christ follower, are you pursuing Jesus?  Are you taking the time to seek Him in His word?  Are you taking the time to pursue what He wants to say to you in prayer?  Are you searching for His presence in worship? 

When Abishag finds her love, it is significant what she happens in verse 4. 


    when I found the one my heart loves.
I held him and would not let him go
  Song of Songs 3:4 NIV (emphasis mine)

When she finds him, Abishag decides to hold onto the one she loves.  She grabs onto Solomon and refuses to let go.  While I am not speaking about abusive relationships were a husband is beating his wife, the overarching principle here is for wives.  Wives do find the one your heart loves and hold him without letting go? 

Now I know that we have been doing these devotions from the Song of Songs about marriage, but I think this is a very important metaphor about our relationship with Christ.  When we come to Christ, do you hold onto the One whom you love?  Do you hold onto Christ above all else?  Abishag didn’t love Solomon only for his kingdom, his palace, and what he could give her.  She loved him for who he was to her. 

Don’t come to Jesus Christ only because of what He can give you or because you want Him to save you from hell.  That is a cheap and shallow relationship with God.  Come to Him because of your love for Him.  Don’t let go of Him… no matter what.  When you find Jesus, the One your heart loves, grab onto Him and don’t let go.       

 Being a Christian and following Jesus is much more than raising your hand and praying a prayer so you don’t go to hell, it is grabbing onto Jesus and following Him above all else.  Being a Christian is more than just coming to an altar or attending church services.  It is living a life submitted to His will and plans for your life as you cling onto Him and don’t let go of Jesus, the One whom your heart loves. 

Holy Spirit increase my heart’s desire and passion for more of You.  Forgive the many, many times that I have tried to have the “best of both worlds.”  I want You.  I want to hold onto You like Abishag held onto Solomon.  You are the One my heart loves.  In the matchless, precious name of Jesus Christ I pray, amen. 

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