What the Bible says about “Soul Mates” – Song of Songs 2
16 My beloved is mine and I am his;
he browses among the lilies.
17 Until the day breaks
and the shadows flee,
turn, my beloved,
and be like a gazelle
or like a young stag
on the rugged hills.[g]” Song of Songs 2:16-17 NIV
Verse 16 is a very subtle, but telling Bible verse about marriage.
“16 My beloved is mine and I am his;”
Notice that the wife does not ONLY say in the Scripture, “I am his.” She is not just an object that he owns. She is not the only one giving in the relationship. A Biblical marriage consists of mutual belonging and ownership. A Biblical marriage consists of two people giving of themselves to build each other. Why? Jesus is a giver. Jesus didn’t only come to own us or to take from us. He is a giver and in marriage, we need to be givers also.
A marriage consists of two givers, not one giver and one taker. If there is one taker and one giver, that is abuse. If there are two givers, we are moving into a Bible marriage.
The Scripture says
“16 My beloved is mine and I am his;”
The husband FIRST gives himself to his wife. The Scripture does not say, “16 My beloved is mine and I am his… only if he does what I say.” He gives of himself and she gives of herself.
A Biblical marriage is not about finding the right “one” to give myself too as much as it is about becoming the person God created me to be.
I remember speaking to a friend who had been together with his girlfriend for several years, but was very hesitant to get married. Afraid is actually a better word. He asked me some questions about marriage and how you know if the person is, “the one.”
I asked him a question. “Do you believe that there is only one person out there for you, and that you have to find them? I guess the idea of soul mates?” He was quick to identify and agree that he wanted to find “the one.” It was just hard for him to determine if his girlfriend at the time was that elusive “one.”
Over two thousand years ago, the Greek philosopher Plato came up with the idea that a perfect human being was tragically split into two, resulting in a race of creatures sentenced to spend the rest of their lives searching for that missing other who can bring them back to completion. This led to the idea of a “soul mate.”
Although this idea of finding a “soul mate” to “complete you” comes from unusual beginnings, the idea still resonates loudly today. You don’t have to look very far to find reality television out there that oozes with the idea of finding “the one.” The Bachelor, the Bachelorette, and all other awful shows that I’d rather not mention support this idea. I even remember one where the men all had to wear masks so the bachelorette would not know what the men looked like and another where people agreed to marry who America voted for! The focus is placed on finding Miss or Mister right.
The Bible does not give us a mandate on how to look for a spouse, except to be sure that they are a believer also, as the Scripture says not to be unequally yoked. Do you know what the mentality is called to try and find another person to be “the one” to fulfill all of our needs, desires, and wants? It is called, IDOLATRY. It is putting another person in the position that only God should be in. Your spouse will let you down. It doesn’t matter who they are, they will let you down at some point or another. They may not intend to, or want to, but they will. There are no perfect spouses (Laura married the last one… ok just kidding).
The scripture does not tell us what to look for in the other person, but it does tell us what to become in our own lives. In essence, what God is saying is, it’s not so much about looking for the right person as it is about becoming the right person. It has been well said, “Don’t ask the question, ‘What kind of spouse do I desire to have?’ Rather, ask the question, ‘What kind of spouse to I aspire to be?’”
Jesus may You give me Your heart to love my wife as You love Your church. You loved the church by giving of Yourself first. You loved the church through her flaws and insecurities. You loved the church relentlessly. You loved the church by being committed to her. You loved the church by living and dying for her. May I love my wife with that passion and heart. In the strong name of Jesus, amen.